With Sprinkles on Top

Oh sweet baby ~

I can't believe it has been six months already. Holidays, birthdays and of course the six month mark all seem to be the tough days to get through. So I wasn't quite sure what to expect of today ~ but all I felt was peace ~ no anxiety or sadness. It felt similar to the day you were born. So incredibly peaceful. Carys' mom remarked how she hoped we would  touch heaven the day you were born. I have to admit, I was sort of confused with what she said. How could we touch Heaven?  She said the feeling was unbelievable and truly an experience we wouldn't mistake. She was so rooted in her faith that I knew I couldn't question it, just be open to what was about to come.

I figured out pretty quick what she was talking about. I have never experienced such an overwhelming sense of peace and tranquility as we welcomed you, a tiny, perfectly formed child of God into the world . I believe part of our comfort that day was to experience just a portion of what was in store for you when you were welcomed Home. Your dad and I weren't the only ones who felt it. Complete strangers talked about the peaceful atmosphere surrounding our room. It was undeniable. Today was no different.

I thought tonight we should have birthday pancakes to celebrate your six month, heavenly birthday. Pancakes, special peanut butter, sprinkles, chocolate chips and candles. Your brother was so excited to celebrate and blow out the candles, but I think you already know that.  Happy six months sweet baby, happy heavenly birthday to you.

What is Normal?

The last month has been a whirl wind in the Lees household... school, homework, class parties, doctor  appointments, work, work and more work it seems... but finally we find life starting to slow down a bit.

Three weeks ago we took Spencer to Children's Mercy in Kansas City for his testing. We anticipated the echo under sedation followed by a heart cath to fix a defect. Overjoyed is what we felt when his cardiologist explained in the post-surgery consult room that the area he was concerned about was normal and a heart cath was not necessary. This 'area' had a very obvious difference in thickness from the rest of the ovale... it trailed off to a very thin membrane. There is no danger with it being thin, all the area needs to do is stop the blood flow between the chambers in the heart. Scott asked him directly if it closed off on its own over the last three months. We were answered with a smile and misty eyes and told we could take him home as soon as recovery released him.

This was a huge weight off our shoulders. For the first time this year, we felt like we could finally relax. I didn't realize how stressed I was until about a week before his procedure. I couldn't focus on the simplest of tasks. I even left my car keys laying on a shelf in the mall... so out of character for me. The evening we brought Spencer home from the hospital was the first night I actually had continuous and rested sleep since January.

Three weeks ago also marked the end of Scott's travel time for the season. He is home now until May with his suitcase unpacked instead of waiting by the door. Our routine has started to fall back into place as we try to figure out our 'new norm' as a family. Most days I question what 'normal' our life is supposed to hold. Our normal consists of a five year old proudly proclaiming he is looking for the 'perfect shade of pink and purple' flowers to take to his brother. Or asking to buy 'awesome' toys in duplicate to leave at the cemetery so that his brother can fly down from Heaven to get them. Almost daily I get asked when I will grow another baby in my belly... a baby that won't go to Heaven right away. Try answering that one without crying... and then try to explain why you are crying.... then wake up the next morning and go about your day while you listen to parents complain about the 'trials' of pregnancy or how hard life is with a newborn. Normal is looking through Spencer's school work and finding the 'family' picture he drew. A picture that includes Scott, myself, Spencer and Palmer. On the outside looking in, we may appear normal... but our normal always takes on a different twist.

Our new life does not always seem to fit the typical family mold... in some ways... but we are doing our best to grow into it each day. The part of our 'normal' that will never change is love. The questions may be tough and we may not have all the answers, but our love will never falter. As Spencer said last night, 'Mommy. I love you all the way to where my brother lives and back again.' I guess that is even better than the moon....