the cowboy kit ~

Spencer is visiting Grandma and Grandpa this week. Last night I called to check in and see how things were going. This is a piece of our conversation:

S:  "Mommy. Can you give Grammy permission to buy me a cowboy kit? It is so awesome and I need one for Grant. Cause he will need one too when we go to their house to ride Gidgy. Please mommy! She said I could have one if you said it was fine."

J: "Yes that would be fine. But you need to be super good tomorrow."

S:  "Grammy! She said yes! But you can have it back if I am bad. But I will be good. I promise. Deal."

I could just see him sticking his thumb and finger out when he said 'deal'. It brought a smile to my face.

S:  "Mommy, can we talk in private?"

I could hear his feet pattering across the floor along with a muffled "I gotta have a minute of privacy" said to my mom.

S:  "Mommy. I miss you."

J: "You do? I thought you were having all kinds of fun though?"

I had a flash of him crying and begging mom to bring him back home. He has never wanted to come back home so soon after being at either grandparents house. He always asks to be gone for 10 days....no more, no less. I know my mom had all kinds of fun stuff planned for him and this would be their last chance to have him before my dad has surgery again. I didn't want their time to be cut short. A sick, panicky feeling started to creep in.

S:  "I am having fun! But I miss you loving me and holding me and giving me kisses and snuggling with me. And I miss talking about our day.  Don't you miss it too? So how was your day mommy? What did you do today? What did you eat for breakfast?"

J:  "Honey I do love you and of course I miss you and doing all of those things with you."

And then the phone went dead. As quickly as the silence hit, my dad picked up and quickly said the storm was really hitting and they just lost electricity. Spencer was on the cordless phone. I figured it would not be long before his 'old-fashioned' wall phone would go dead too. As quick as the thought entered my mind, the line went silent again.

Spencer loves those little things as much as I do. It didn't really hit me until yesterday how much he looks forward to them. They have been a daily ritual for as long as I can remember. But for him to recognize that I would miss them also, well, it brought tears to my eyes....happy tears that is. Moments like this is what keeps my world turning. It was a reminder of our unconditional love for each other. A love that I would not trade to avoid the heartache of loosing a child.