Keep on dreaming

Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart.

Eleven months and twenty three days wondering how others see me. Wondering if they see the exhaustion in my face or hear it in my voice. Wondering if I imagined that eye roll at my mention of his name. Wondering if one half thinks I have lost it and the other half is quietly taking bets. Wondering when will I let go of a memory and move on to the future.

Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart.

Eleven months and twenty three days of listening to a clock tick. Witnessing my body betray what a woman was designed to do. Feeling the emptiness in my arms, yet feeling the heaviness of the sand at the bottom of my hourglass. Feeling the storm rage on while watching everyone else catch their rainbow.

Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart.

Eleven months and twenty three days of a deeper love for my husband. Walking beside a man who is content to grow with me and love me unconditionally. Learning to accept that love and return it in the same condition it was given. Remembering the look on his face right after Palmer was delivered. Knowing that look was so full of pride, joy and utter love over the life we created together and brought into this world. Basking in that memory.

Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart.

Eleven months and twenty three days of watching my son grow. Rescuing him from the tree branch he is stuck in. Smiling as I sop up water from the bathroom floor. Kissing his skinned knee and telling him everything will be ok. Explaining about Heaven and listening to his 'plan' for when God decides his mommy can have a new baby to bring home. Thankful that I was able to bring one baby home.

Keep on dreaming even if it breaks your heart.

Eleven months and twenty four days. Today, I find myself still standing. Living each day as it was intended for me. Knowing that yesterday was yesterday, and despite heartache, happiness can still be found with each new day.  Realizing that love keeps you dreaming even if it breaks your heart.