Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Mercy through Spencer

It was hot today. Two years ago I bought a small 5 foot collapsible pool on clearance. It stayed in the basement in its package until today. Last summer I was not in the right frame of mind to put it up. Sad, but true. Today it made its way outside. Spencer and I filled it up to the perfect temperature. (I knew the hot and cold faucets outside would eventually pay off!) He played in the pool and I sat in a lawn chair soaking my feet. Today was one of those "bad days". It seemed like nothing was right for me in so many areas of my life. The finishing touch was being told that Spencer has a heart murmur and would need testing to make sure there was nothing seriously wrong. Medically a murmur can be a pretty normal, functional diagnosis. Logically I know the odds are in his favor and it will probably be fine and no treatment will be needed. Despite knowing this, all I could think were how the "odds" have not been in our favor lately. As he played, I listened to a song by Selah, 'I Will Carry You'. I thought of Palmer and the tears streamed down my face behind my sunglasses. I kept thinking that I didn't want anything else wrong in my life....especially when it came to my children.

After about an hour or so, I noticed the sun disappeared. The sky was really dark to the north and I told him we needed to go inside because it would probably storm. Spencer looked at me funny and said "We can stay outside. Mercy is in heaven with God. She comes down to us when it rains". What? As his vocabulary increases, he sometimes slurs his words and enunciation is an issue. I asked him to repeat what he had said.  "Mom. Mercy is in heaven with God. You know! Mercy! She comes down to us when it rains. Don't you listen to Father Pat?" I got "the look" from Spencer. The same look that I know I give him when he should be paying attention. "Mom. He said it again when we were in church with baby. He says it all the time. We need mercy to come to us,"

The storm hit shortly after this conversation. His words kept repeating in my head as we went to the basement to wait out the storm. So like any good Catholic, I fired up Google after Spencer went to bed.  It seems for me, when I go to church the responses can be automatic. There is thought and reflection behind it to a point, but not always on the level it should. The word mercy is found throughout the Catholic mass. I needed to find the spot he was referring to and linking to the rain. So I found a site for the Catholic mass and started reading, going from link to link. 

May almighty God have mercy on us, forgive us our sins, and bring us to everlasting life.
Lord have Mercy.
Christ have Mercy.

So now I found the point in church where I think he pays attention to. "Bring us." If God lives in heaven, the only way he can 'bring' us anything is to send it down. The only thing he knows that can tangibly be brought down is rain. So mercy that is brought to us must be rain. I could be wrong. My brain is tired. But knowing my son and his logic, this is the connection that makes the most sense.  I also thought I would throw in another search for mercy. This was for myself. His choice of words must have some relevance to my day. I needed easy snippets of information that I didn't have to break down or sort through fluffy words. 

"Mercy is for everyone"
"Mercy relieves suffering, and there are different kinds of suffering." 
"Mercy is not always convenient.... suffering and crisis are often unpredictable."

I am not sure if my interpretation of what Spencer said is correct. Regardless, my son reminded me of what He is willing to provide. 


Keri Kitchen said...

So many thoughts, yet nothing is coming out right this morning. I've not met Spencer, but I love that kid. :) I wish it would rain today...

Kara said...

Mmmmm - what a precious moment with Spencer. Praying for your heart as you return to work. HUGS!

Anonymous said...

He had to know he was loved and wanted by all of you. He was beautiful.

Karen Andersen